Every now and again I have a paranoid thought that I can’t shake and it causes a lot of trouble. Such a thought ruined my day a couple of weeks ago. It’s hard to talk about when it happens because it can be scary. Thankfully, all I tend to do is shop. Let me explain.
I was getting my younger son in the car to take him to preschool. As I was doing so, I waved to the gardener who takes care of the community plants. He’s been the gardener here ever since I moved in almost a decade ago. I’ve smiled and waved at him hundreds of times. He seems like good people. However, this time a horrifying image of him dropping his work and raping and murdering me and my three-year-old son ran through my brain. The details were so vivid and clear that they felt real. I got in the car took a deep breath and tried not to feel scared and unsafe. Without incident, I got my son to preschool and then proceeded to blackout.
I came back to reality a couple of hours and a couple of hundred dollars later. Alternate Meaghan (the person I call myself while blacking out) went and bought Christmas presents for the boys. I love Christmas shopping. It’s one of my many joys so it’s no surprise that under the amount of stress the paranoid thought gave me, Alternate Meaghan did something joyful. I felt calm again. I felt normal again. I started to cry. I don’t like losing time. What am I like when I’m Alternate Meaghan? I’d like to meet her one day. Blackouts don’t happen often often and all I do is shop. I like spending money. This is normal. Not remembering doing so? Not normal.
Gently Dented 
That was very vivid and gave a real feeling about what it must be like to undergo such experiences.
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