The melancholy of doom

Something bad is going to happen in my life. I just know it. Except for the fact that nothing will happen. I’ve had this feeling before and will most likely have it again. It’s a feeling I can’t shake but the feeling never comes to fruition. Instead it just makes me sad and annoyed.

Life right now is calm. This feeling of doom doesn’t only happen when life is calm and whenever life is calm this feeling doesn’t always visit my brain. What can I do? I’m sure this will pass. It always does. It’s frightfully annoying because of all the times in my life where tragedy has struck, it’s caught me off guard. Right now I’m on guard and I’m sitting here trying not to freak out. I’m sitting here knowing I can’t see the future but really, to be honest, if something were to happen, I’d feel like I had psychic powers. This melancholy of doom is eating away at my good mood. Maybe that’s what’s going on. Right now my brain isn’t allowing me to sit back and relax. My brain hasn’t relaxed in almost two years. It kind of doesn’t know what to do with itself.

I also doubt this is specific to my disorder as I have a sneaking suspicion everyone feels this way every now and again. That is something to take comfort in. Not only am I not alone but this is a common thread in the psychology of humankind. Sure it’s making me sad and annoyed but I’m not being crazy. I’m being normal.