Death, hallucinations, and neurological issues, oh my!

Yes, it has been two years since I’ve written a blog post. A lot has been going on and I haven’t had the ability to write. Years ago, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. I was tired all the time and often found myself sleeping or trying to sleep at least 18 hours a day. All the initial blood work yielded no answers and thus the diagnosis of chronic fatigue. I refused to accept that diagnosis as it’s simply the doctor giving up trying to find an explanation for the fatigue. Two years and 3 endocrinologists later, it was discovered that COVID shut down my Adrenal Glands. I was put on an adrenal supplement and within days, I was able to stay awake the whole day, no naps needed. It was a game changer. I felt like I had my energy back. Though, my cognitive function still felt low. I was blaming my inability to focus on my fatigue but it turned out to be a completely separate issue.

Unfortunately, before I could get to the root of my cognitive function decline, tragedy struck my husband’s family. I’m very close with my in-laws. I love them all dearly and thank my lucky stars to be blessed with in-laws as amazing as my husband’s family. I’m especially close to my mother and father-in-law. Ever since my boys were born, my parents-in-law have been my number one support system. They have always been there for me whenever I needed them and I’ve been there for them likewise. I have visited them at least once a week and more often than not, multiple days a week since the birth of my first son in 2013. They have done all the babysitting for me, which has been a lot with all the doctor’s appointments I’ve had over the years. They watched the boys when I was in the ICU for 6 days after my stroke, and when I had to fly to Northern California for my dad’s liver transplant.

They were set to watch the boys while I had my physical last year. However, the night before my appointment, my mother-in-law called to say that my father-in-law was sick and they couldn’t watch the boys. I talked with both my in-laws on the phone and my father-in-law indeed sounded like he had come down with a virus. The boys got on the phone with their grandparents and had everyone laughing. We ended the phone call with our usual I love yous. This was after I had discovered the cause of my fatigue but before the supplement had arrived to my house. I was still overly tired all the time. I made the boys a meal and then went to lay down on the couch. About an hour later, I woke up, with a sense that something was seriously wrong. I started pacing back and forth trying to shake the sense of dread. I kept checking my husband’s whereabouts on my phone and saw that he was moving around the warehouse where he works. Then my mother-in-law called. I immediately picked up and said, “what’s wrong.” She was crying and panicked and said that my father-in-law had an accident and that they were on the way to the hospital. I knew right then that he wasn’t going to make it and I was right. He died 20 minutes later at the hospital. I was in shock. The worst part was having to tell the boys that their grandfather had died. Their perfect world shattered. Life was never going to be the same again.

I held it together for about two months, but the sadness came for me in the form of hallucinations. I had a really bad schizophrenic episode and it took two months to get the hallucinations under control. The whole time, my cognitive function kept getting worse. I felt like I was going to have another stroke. My neurologist ordered a MRI of my brain and it showed that my left carotid artery had collapsed and my right carotid artery was only functioning at 50%. The MRI also showed that I had something called pseudo-tumor cerebri, which is excess fluid in the brain. I was in the exam room getting the results, when my neurologist picked up her cell phone, called the neurosurgeon who saved my life and told him about my carotid artery issue. He said to have me go to his office the next day. I was in danger of dying. He ended up performing another cerebral angiogram, which showed that the MRI was wrong. My blood vessels were fine. My stents caused the MRI to have an incorrect reading. That was a relief. However, my cognitive function was still low and there was the matter of the too much fluid.

My schizophrenic episode hadn’t really ended. I was still having hallucinations of all sorts but then my hallucinations got very specific. Demons started telling me that no one loves me and I should kill myself. I wasn’t in any danger of acting on their words. I’m not going to kill myself, but it was very hard to deal with. I had a follow-up with neurologist and we turned our attention to the fluid build up. She ordered a second procedure to drain the fluid. That procedure was scheduled and it happened two weeks ago. They pulled 11ccs of fluid from my brain. Magically, the demons went away. It’s been two weeks and I have my brain back, both cognitively and hallucination-wise. I feel the best I’ve felt in years. I feel like I can finally start living my life again. I just wish my father-in-law was here to celebrate with me.