I have a serious case of the blahs.

I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not exactly depressed but I’m not motivated to do much. I’ve been this way for almost a year now. I’ve had moments of productiveness. However, for the most part, I’ve lost interest in participating in life. I’m running on stress and nerves and blah, blah, blah.

It’s hard to defeat this feeling. I just have to hope it will pass. It’s not a new feeling but this is the longest it’s ever lasted. I hesitate to blame the pandemic but being locked in my house for a year has taken a toll on my mood. I also assume I’m not the only one who is feeling this way.

It doesn’t help that I have no local friends. My last remaining friend moved back to her home country last summer, leaving me with no one to have a girls coffee with. I’m bad at making new friends. I’m painfully aware that I’m odd and have a sense of humor that no one really finds funny. Then there’s the elephant in the room. At some point I will have to tell this new person about my mental disorder and that’s always a gamble. I tried to go on as many play dates as I was comfortable with and only one ended up in a lasting friendship and she’s the one who just moved away. I have friends but they all live out-of-state. I just need someone I can physically have breakfast with.

So here I am, a year full of blahs. I need to snap out of it but isn’t that the single most useless advice you can give someone with a mental disorder? To just snap at out of it. If only it was that easy. Until I can turn this around I will just sit here in my blahs.