Another moment in depression

A few days ago I woke up utterly depressed. I used to be able to work past depression because any dark thoughts I had I would compare to the pain of losing my mother. That was true depression, everything else was hallow nonsense. My mom passed away eleven years ago and I find I’m starting to forget the pain. Oh, it’s there but it no longer feels tragic. I wake up utterly depressed and it’s hard to fight past it. Life goes on though. Life has to continue even if I want to hide from the world. I have kids, I can’t wallow in my episodes. It’s can be good to not focus on my episodes but it’s also hard. It takes longer to get over the episode because I can’t take the proper time to heal.

I’m at my rheumatologist’s office waiting to be called in. I have fibromyalgia and who knows what else. I’m here for results from a blood test my doctor ordered. My body feels like it’s falling apart. On a normal day, I’d be okay but today is not normal. I’m walking around wanting to cry but the schizophrenic in me is making that release a challenge. People used to tell me to just “snap out of it.” It would be nice if it were that easy. I know this depression will pass. I may not be able to snap out of it, but I can wait it out.