Yesterday, I was picking blackberries in my backyard when I noticed a bunch of insects. I called my eldest son over and he confirmed that there were indeed a bunch of flying insects in front of me. Now, it may seem silly to ask a boy to verify that an infestation of bugs is real but bugs are my number one hallucination. From flesh eating bugs to bugs in the water, I see and feel bugs often. Bugs that are a figment of my disorder.
Once the picked blackberries were in my sink being inspected and washed, I started to notice tiny white bugs in the berries. Once again, I assumed I was hallucinating. Except they looked very real and were moving around. I quickly bagged up all the blackberries and threw them out. Then I took the trash outside and proceeded to feel bugs crawling on my skin.
The bugs soon started eating my flesh and I went to my medicine lock box, opened it, and took an Ativan. Ativan is a sedative and it doesn’t stop the hallucinations. However, it calms me down and I stop panicking. It makes me calm enough to deal with what my brain is doing to me and eventually the sensation stops.
This episode is isolated. A one-off. I see bugs from time to time and I never know if the bugs are actually there or if they’re a hallucination. All I know is I’m not touching my blackberry bush for the rest of the season.
Gently Dented 
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